Yvette Ivy’s blog

For those of you out there who are so bored that you actually read my blog, I figured out how to log on to my old account so future blogs will be posted there, not here. I can be found at http://yvetteivy.vox.com.

Thank you for your interest, please come again. Goodbye, now. Buh-bye. Enjoy your stay. Thank you. 'Bye. Goodbye!

Well, I guess I'm starting over on many fronts. It's been so long since I've blogged that I couldn't remember my old email address and had to open a new account...so I'm starting over with a new blog. If I can remember how, I'll try to link it to my old one so that anyone with absolutely nothing else to do but read my archives may do so.

And, apparently, I'm starting over in life, too. After 10 1/2 years of marriage (and a dozen years of being together), my husband told me that he doesn't love me anymore. So, I'm putting on my big-girl panties and moving on. Parts of it I'm actually excited about - being able to paint the bedroom pink without anyone threatening to sleep on the couch if I do, not having to cook a big supper if I don't feel like it, one less person's laundry to try to keep up with, only one debit card linked to my checking account (there can't be any surprises if you have the only card!). I probably really needed a push this big to go back to school, I don't know if I would have worked up the nerve if it hadn't become a necessity. I'm still terrified I'll fail, but now I don't have a choice but to try. I'm kind of eager to not need anyone's approval...it seems like I've spent my whole life seeking the approval of parents, grandparents, in-laws, and husband...and now I can honestly say that I don't care if I have it...or not. 

But parts of it really suck, and I'm seriously dreading those. Becoming a statistic. Struggling to provide for my children. Trying to juggle working (I've been a stay-at-home mom up to this point), going to school, housework, and still being able to spend time with my kids. The process of divorce. Watching somebody you love with all your heart walking out and becoming a stranger. The crushing disappointment.

Don't get me wrong, this blog is not about my own personal pity party. I know I'm going to be fine - eventually, anyway. I know what my responsibilities are and who they are to (my three prechious children and...myself, for once. What a strange thought). I know that I have a huge opportunity to learn, and grow, and...I don't know...evolve? I know I'll be stronger, more independent, more resilient when I come out on the other side.

But can anyone fault me for not wanting to do it?

So, here we go again. I can't make any promises about how often I'll be able to update my blog because I still don't have a computer at home, but I remember how much better I used to feel after I vented to the world and I'm going to make sure I have that option available for myself. It's cheaper than a therapist, right?